I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
