yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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