Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
