New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
