Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I smell like Dick and happiness
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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