let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
