I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
