I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
