... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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