butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
