I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
