I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
