When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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