Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
