I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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