my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
