I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
