Your tits are I can't wait for
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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