he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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