Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
