What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
