Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
