My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
