i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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