Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
