In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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