I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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