its not stalking. its research.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
