Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
