i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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