Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
