It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
