just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
