Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
