his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
