i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
