I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
