I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
