i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
