ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
