so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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