I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
