Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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