Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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