She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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