I seem to have left my pride at pride
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
