His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
