This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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