sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
