Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
