and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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