i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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