she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
