i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
