Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
